Mindfulness

It is summer and I have spoken with so many people that talk about how quickly this time of year seems to pass.  How do you slow down and enjoy the summer?  One way is to practice mindfulness.  Now, don’t roll your eyes here… mindfulness is not a new age term anymore!  It is a concept that more and more people are practicing.  Mindfulness can help you relax, slow down, and appreciate the good things in life. It walks hand in hand with gratitude.  Individuals who practice mindfulness on a regular basis report that they feel less stressed, more relaxed, and in general, have a better sense of well being.  If mindfulness is something that you have never tried, here is a link to a great article on how to start…

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/06/09/7-easy-ways-to-be-mindful-every-day/

Try it!  You may be surprised at the difference it makes in your life!

On a different note... this blog is being moved to-

http://www.therapywise.net/

Come on over and check it out!

Tootsie Pop Tolerance

I recently did a student leadership assembly for the school that I work for that involved Tootsie Pops!  I shared with the children how Tootsie Pops are so much like people.  When you first look at them, they look like just any other sucker.  However, if you take the time, you will find out that there is something special inside.  Something that you cannot readily see upon first glance.  People are very much the same.  They may be hard on the outside, or have a certain look about them, but if you take the time and spend the energy to get to know them, you may find that they have something special to offer. 

I want to encourage you practice tolerance.  There are many introverts in the world.  It takes time and patience to get to know them.  Do not make assumptions about someone based on their appearance.  Everyone should see people as a Tootsie Pop!

Unexpected

As a counselor, I see many people who have come to counseling because life has handed them something “unexpected”.  Whether it’s a divorce, a loss, a stressful situation, or maybe some other difficulty, there is always one resounding theme… the event/situation did not fit into their previous expectation of how their life would go.  I believe that everyone experiences this at one time or another.  How do you deal with life’s surprises?  Everyone has different ways of coping.  Some people need big support systems.  Other people need quiet time to process.  Still, others are comfortable with just a few very close friends. 

In my practice, I talk a great deal about perspective.  My Cognitive-Behavioral approach leads me to encourage people to frame up how they view their life.  How you respond to life can be just as important as what is actually happening.  There are many times where difficult circumstances bring about important lessons and give us a chance to truly develop into what we are to become.  These times in our life, while hard and painful, give us a chance to grow.  By withstanding life’s storms, we become wiser, more confident, and better able to appreciate the good times. 

What can you do if you are in the middle of one of the storms of life?  As I have stated before, be kind to yourself.  Allow yourself to truly experience the variety of feelings as they come.  There may be times where you feel sad, angry, worried, or anxious.  It is also important to have a good support system.  For some people, this may be a village of friends and family or it may be just a few close friends.  The important thing is that there is someone in your life who you feel understands you and will be there for you.  Finally, if you are feeling overwhelmed or are experiencing persistent sadness, seek professional help.  There are many qualified professionals who are trained to help you. 

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. - Anatole France

Nature

I recently went to see the Disney movie "Chimpanzee" with one of my children.  I spent the first part of the movie marveling at how similar chimpanzees are to human beings.  I've watched the Discovery Channel before and seen some of the documentaries, but this is the first movie that I've seen that really showcased the intelligence of the species.  They live in family groups, socialize, show love to their children, and actually think.  About halfway through the movie, I had a revelation.  While they are certainly similar to human beings and they are so incredibly smart, they are missing something.  They are missing that human spark.  The part that separates us from the animal world... the human spirit. 

In my job, I get to see a great deal of human nature.  However, it's mostly the darker, more negative side.  I've counseled abused children, traumatized people, people in crisis, and people who are frustrated, angry, and in pain.  But I also get to see some amazing sides of the human spirit.  I see compassion, love, patience, and resiliency.  Many times I have thought, "how will this person recover from this?".  And always, it seems, through love and compassion and sheer determination, that person makes it through the ordeal.  It doesn't mean that it wasn't hard or that the person wasn't changed in some way.  It simply means that the human spirit is something that simply cannot be extinguished.  We love one another, take care of one another and show compassion in way that is unprecedented in the animal world. 

Are you going through something difficult?  Sometimes, life is very hard.  Reach out to one another and do what human beings do best... love.  There are so many people hurting.  If you or someone you know is going through a difficult time, reach out to another person.  Maybe it's a family member, a trusted friend, or a co-worker.  Or maybe it's a professional that can help guide you through this difficult time.  Remember that we, as human beings, are designed to help one another.  I truly believe that one person can make a difference.  What can you do today to show the best part of the human spirit?

Life Changes

In my previous post, I discussed the stress and burnout that typically occurs this time of year.  Recently, I have been talking with parents who are feeling conflicted about their children growing up and moving on.  I have spoken with parents of children who are leaving for college, going to high school, and even starting middle school.  These life transitions can be both joyful and difficult.  As a parent, it is easy to get caught up in the day to day grind and not realize that time is really passing very quickly.  Then, one day, the parent looks up and realizes that their child is about to hit a milestone.  "When did that happen?", they may think.  How should parents cope with these feelings?

It is important to realize that not only are you experiencing a variety of emotions, your child may also be feeling conflicted.  Children and adolescents are usually excited for the next step in their lives, but may also experience feelings of trepidation, anxiety, or even fear as they enter into new territory.  Supporting your child and his or her feelings is the most important thing that you can do.  Discussing new routines, new social situations, and visiting new places with them can help remove a great deal of fear.  Reassure your child that you are confident in his or her ability to make good choices and that you will be there should situations arise that cause feelings of uncertainty.  As for your personal feelings, talk about those too!  Children are usually very intuitive and can tell when their parents feel sad or unhappy.  Letting them know that you love them and that sometimes seeing them grow up is hard for you can make them feel even more loved.  It is also a good idea to let them know how proud you are and how you are looking forward to the next phase of their life. 

As a parent, it is also important that you feel supported during these times of transition.  Talk with your spouse, friends, or other family members about your feelings.  Talking to someone who knows how you feel can help tremendously.  As always, if you have persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness, seek the help of a professional who can help you navigate these new waters.

Stress and Burnout

We are approaching the time for many people when stress starts to rise.  The 2011/2012 school year is coming to a close and there are many activities taking place.  Graduations, proms, standardized testing, and exams are just a few of the stressful events that occur.  While some of these are happy events, they can still be stressful.  Teachers, in particular, may be experiencing stress as they try to wrap up the school year and get everything done.  What are the signs of stress and burnout and what can be done if you are experiencing them?

Stress has been defined as a syndrome that manifests when prolonged pressures or negative experiences occur that cannot be controlled by the individual’s ability to cope (Kyriacou, 1987).  We hear so many people throw around the phrase "I'm stressed out".  There are many things throughout the day that may make an individual feel stressed.  But persistent, prolonged stress can have long lasting effects on the body.  This can manifest physically, such as headaches, stomaches, or body aches.  Long-term stress can also cause depression and ultimately lead to burnout.  

 Buunk (2007) discussed how burnout can involve either a crisis in an individual’s work or with the people at work.  Repeated exposure to stress may cause these individuals to feel frustrated and unappreciated. This can lead to a cynical attitude and feelings of hopelessness.  The burnout syndrome is most commonly seen when working with people.  This syndrome can consist of emotional exhaustion, lack of personal accomplishment,, and depersonalization

So, what can be done if you are experiencing stress and burnout?  You can begin by practicing stress reduction strategies.  Relaxation strategies such as imagery, balanced breathing, exercise, and balancing work with personal interests may help.  Long term, it can be helpful to examine your lifestyle.  Set realistic goals and be kind to yourself when your plans do not go the way you would like.  On the job, connecting with colleagues and avoiding the tendency for perfection may have a positive impact on burnout. 

Overall, stress and burnout are very common.  By looking at your current lifestyle and making positive, consistent changes, you can make a difference in the level of stress you are experiencing.  Of course, if you feel overwhelmed or are experiencing significant symptoms, do not hesitate to go to your primary care doctor or a mental health professional.  Taking care of yourself is the most important thing you can do for your family!

Buunk, A. P., Peíró, J. M., Rodríguez, I., & Bravo, M. J. (2007). A loss of status and a sense of defeat: An evolutionary perspective on professional burnout. European Journal of Personality, 21(4), 471-485. doi:10.1002/per.627

Kyriacou, C. (1987). Teacher stress and burnout: an international review. Educational Research, 29(2), 146–152.

New Blog

Greetings!  I am excited to enter the world of blogging.  I hope to share some counseling insights, school counseling ideas, and inspirational thoughts to help you through the day.  Check back soon!