Tootsie Pop Tolerance

I recently did a student leadership assembly for the school that I work for that involved Tootsie Pops!  I shared with the children how Tootsie Pops are so much like people.  When you first look at them, they look like just any other sucker.  However, if you take the time, you will find out that there is something special inside.  Something that you cannot readily see upon first glance.  People are very much the same.  They may be hard on the outside, or have a certain look about them, but if you take the time and spend the energy to get to know them, you may find that they have something special to offer. 

I want to encourage you practice tolerance.  There are many introverts in the world.  It takes time and patience to get to know them.  Do not make assumptions about someone based on their appearance.  Everyone should see people as a Tootsie Pop!

Unexpected

As a counselor, I see many people who have come to counseling because life has handed them something “unexpected”.  Whether it’s a divorce, a loss, a stressful situation, or maybe some other difficulty, there is always one resounding theme… the event/situation did not fit into their previous expectation of how their life would go.  I believe that everyone experiences this at one time or another.  How do you deal with life’s surprises?  Everyone has different ways of coping.  Some people need big support systems.  Other people need quiet time to process.  Still, others are comfortable with just a few very close friends. 

In my practice, I talk a great deal about perspective.  My Cognitive-Behavioral approach leads me to encourage people to frame up how they view their life.  How you respond to life can be just as important as what is actually happening.  There are many times where difficult circumstances bring about important lessons and give us a chance to truly develop into what we are to become.  These times in our life, while hard and painful, give us a chance to grow.  By withstanding life’s storms, we become wiser, more confident, and better able to appreciate the good times. 

What can you do if you are in the middle of one of the storms of life?  As I have stated before, be kind to yourself.  Allow yourself to truly experience the variety of feelings as they come.  There may be times where you feel sad, angry, worried, or anxious.  It is also important to have a good support system.  For some people, this may be a village of friends and family or it may be just a few close friends.  The important thing is that there is someone in your life who you feel understands you and will be there for you.  Finally, if you are feeling overwhelmed or are experiencing persistent sadness, seek professional help.  There are many qualified professionals who are trained to help you. 

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. - Anatole France

Nature

I recently went to see the Disney movie "Chimpanzee" with one of my children.  I spent the first part of the movie marveling at how similar chimpanzees are to human beings.  I've watched the Discovery Channel before and seen some of the documentaries, but this is the first movie that I've seen that really showcased the intelligence of the species.  They live in family groups, socialize, show love to their children, and actually think.  About halfway through the movie, I had a revelation.  While they are certainly similar to human beings and they are so incredibly smart, they are missing something.  They are missing that human spark.  The part that separates us from the animal world... the human spirit. 

In my job, I get to see a great deal of human nature.  However, it's mostly the darker, more negative side.  I've counseled abused children, traumatized people, people in crisis, and people who are frustrated, angry, and in pain.  But I also get to see some amazing sides of the human spirit.  I see compassion, love, patience, and resiliency.  Many times I have thought, "how will this person recover from this?".  And always, it seems, through love and compassion and sheer determination, that person makes it through the ordeal.  It doesn't mean that it wasn't hard or that the person wasn't changed in some way.  It simply means that the human spirit is something that simply cannot be extinguished.  We love one another, take care of one another and show compassion in way that is unprecedented in the animal world. 

Are you going through something difficult?  Sometimes, life is very hard.  Reach out to one another and do what human beings do best... love.  There are so many people hurting.  If you or someone you know is going through a difficult time, reach out to another person.  Maybe it's a family member, a trusted friend, or a co-worker.  Or maybe it's a professional that can help guide you through this difficult time.  Remember that we, as human beings, are designed to help one another.  I truly believe that one person can make a difference.  What can you do today to show the best part of the human spirit?

Life Changes

In my previous post, I discussed the stress and burnout that typically occurs this time of year.  Recently, I have been talking with parents who are feeling conflicted about their children growing up and moving on.  I have spoken with parents of children who are leaving for college, going to high school, and even starting middle school.  These life transitions can be both joyful and difficult.  As a parent, it is easy to get caught up in the day to day grind and not realize that time is really passing very quickly.  Then, one day, the parent looks up and realizes that their child is about to hit a milestone.  "When did that happen?", they may think.  How should parents cope with these feelings?

It is important to realize that not only are you experiencing a variety of emotions, your child may also be feeling conflicted.  Children and adolescents are usually excited for the next step in their lives, but may also experience feelings of trepidation, anxiety, or even fear as they enter into new territory.  Supporting your child and his or her feelings is the most important thing that you can do.  Discussing new routines, new social situations, and visiting new places with them can help remove a great deal of fear.  Reassure your child that you are confident in his or her ability to make good choices and that you will be there should situations arise that cause feelings of uncertainty.  As for your personal feelings, talk about those too!  Children are usually very intuitive and can tell when their parents feel sad or unhappy.  Letting them know that you love them and that sometimes seeing them grow up is hard for you can make them feel even more loved.  It is also a good idea to let them know how proud you are and how you are looking forward to the next phase of their life. 

As a parent, it is also important that you feel supported during these times of transition.  Talk with your spouse, friends, or other family members about your feelings.  Talking to someone who knows how you feel can help tremendously.  As always, if you have persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness, seek the help of a professional who can help you navigate these new waters.